The Phantom Thieves vs The Bastard of Bigotry: Donald Trump
by the8bitwriter
Summary: The Phantom Thieves find themselves in Washington D.C., where they face their toughest mission yet: unmasking the darkness in the President of the United States.
1. Chapter 1: The Gang goes to Washington

_Hello all, and welcome to the first chapter/part/whatever of_ The Bastard of Bigotry. _It is, as you can see, a story about the Phantom Thieves in their efforts to unmask Donald Trump's heart. It feels like a pertinent story to be told here, now, in 2017, so I figured I'd try and tell it. Honestly, it's a joke that got a little too far out of hand, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't_ stop _thinking about it!_

 _Sorry for the lack of action here. Part 1 was definitely a focus on world building, explanation, and set-up. Which, actually, is pretty typical for a Persona game! The next part will get more into the thick of things. Enjoy, and leave a review telling me what you think!_

* * *

Kawakami let out a sigh as she walked into classroom 2-D of Shujin Academy, looking more flustered than usual. Ann Takamaki looked up from her phone as the teacher dropped her bag on the floor like an anvil, turning to give a raised eyebrow to the friend sitting behind her.

That friend, Akira Kurusu, was fast asleep, head tucked under his arm as he lay sprawled across his desk. Ann let out a sigh of her own, before swiftly flicking Akira's head.

"Hey, get up! Ms. Kawakami is here, and she looks about as annoyed as she can get. I really don't think you want her to catch you sleeping."

Akira rose with a stretch, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. Suddenly, a black cat popped out of the drawer in Akira's desk.

"I tried to tell him, Lady Ann, but he just wouldn't listen!" Morgana meowed, causing a few students nearby to wonder at where the noise was coming from. Akira gently pushed him back into the desk and out of sight, motioning with a finger to his lips to keep quiet.

"I wonder what the deal is." Ann continued. "Maybe she doesn't want to go on the school trip. Couldn't imagine why though, Hawaii is amazing."

Before she could guess further, Kawakami called her class to attention.

"Alright, listen up everybody. I have good news and bad news. I'm going to start with the bad news first."

Kawakami held a finger to her forehead. "The bad news is that you're not going to Hawaii for your trip. You'll be going to Washington D.C. instead."

Akira could barely hear the end of his teacher's last sentence, as a cacophony of complaints rose from the students of the class. Kawakami raised her hands up, trying to quiet the kids down.

"Hold on, hold on, let me finish. Because Shujin Academy feels that the trip you kids are going on should be more academic in nature, you'll be going to Washington D.C. However, as a result of the sudden change, the trip will last four weeks instead.

The tone of the students audibly shifted from protest to shouts of awe.

"Four weeks? Really?" Ann repeated, eyes wide.

"Seems a little overboard," Akira added quietly.

As if hearing his disbelief herself, Kawakami continued. "A cabinet minister has made this possible, deciding to fund the trip himself. One can only guess why he would do that. Probably to get some good press, what with that Prime Minister run and all..."

"I wonder who did that," Ann pondered. "Whoever it was, he must have loads of cash." Akira nodded.

"Maybe the Phantom Thieves made him do it!" a student offered, causing most of the class to laugh.

"Ha, ha, very funny. You'll get more information on the trip in the coming days. We leave this Thursday. Make sure you're ready for it." Kawakami clapped her hands together. "Alright, let's finally get this class started."

* * *

"Four weeks, huh? Well, I'm a little bummed we're not going to Hawaii anymore, but I'll take it if it means our trip gets extended that much longer," Ann said after class, standing up to stretch. As Akira gently placed Morgana into his bag, a blur of yellow appeared behind the two classmates.

"Did you two hear about the trip? Freakin' amazing!" Ryuji shouted. A few of the students turned towards the loud intrusion. Ann put her hand against her forehead, eyes closed in a grimace.

"Have you ever gone five minutes without having to yell, Ryuji? Yes, of course we heard about the trip."

"Washington D.C., huh?" Ryuji continued, oblivious. "Man, this is gonna be so sweet, I can't wait to see that giant statue of that old guy, and that big pointy thing they made for that other old guy. Or was it for the same old guy? I can't remember."

"Different old guy, Ryuji. It's called the Washington Memorial," a new voice answered behind the group. "Please do a bit of research before we leave on Thursday."

"Oh, hey Makoto," Ann said with a wave. "Did you say 'we'? Are you coming with us?"

Makoto nodded, smoothing her skirt down subconciously. "I'll be joining your class as a chaperone, as some of the teachers won't be available."

"Really?" Ryuji asked. "Why not?"

Makoto shook her head. "I'm not entirely sure. Even as student council president, there are some things I'm simply not privy too. In any case, I could certainly use the break."

A sinister smile passed her lips. "Not that I won't be working that brain of yours while we're there, Ryuji. Be prepared."

Ryuji gulped, stepping a bit behind Akira. "You can be really scary when you want to be, you know that?"

"Ryuji's scared of everything," Morgana piped out from inside Akira's bag. "I wouldn't take him too seriously, Makoto."

Ryuji clenched his fist at the cat. "Hey, that's not true! I have no trouble fighting shadows-"

"Hey, keep it down!" Ann whispered. "And besides," she continued, grinning, "a certain someone told me that you were terrified of shadows until you got your Persona."

Ryuji frowned at Akira. "Dude! You told them about that?"

Akira shrugged. "You were."

"Dude!" Ryuji said again.

"Anyways, this will be great and all, but I wish Futaba and Yusuke could come with us," Makoto said, leaning against Ann's desk.

"Yeah, they're part of the group just as much as any of us." Ann added. "But it's not like we can sneak them onto the plane or anything."

* * *

"You can sneak me onto the plane!" Futaba shouted. The Phantom Thieves were at Sojiro's coffee shop, and had just broken the news of the vacation to Futaba and Yusuke in Akira's large, room-converted cellar.

Makoto sighed. "Futaba, that's exactly what we can't do."

Futaba pouted. "Says you! I'm small! I bet I could fit into Akira's suitcase." Akira nodded in agreement, before Ryuji smacked him on the shoulder.

"You know we can't do that!" he shouted. Yusuke cleared his throat as he sat on Akira's bed, causing everyone to turn in his direction.

"Futaba and I may not be able to sneak our way into the trip, but perhaps we're ignoring the obvious here - going on the trip legitimately."

Ann, sitting across from Yusuke, finally spoke up. "Sure, if that's possible, but what about your class? Futaba's not in school, but wouldn't you be missed?"

"I am about a month and a half ahead in my studies," Yusuke replied. "I'm sure if I explained the situation to my instructors, they'd have no problem with it."

Ryuji scratched his head, eyes wide. "Wow, man, I didn't know you were such a smart student."

"He just has a work ethic, Ryuji. Something you seem to lack." Makoto turned to Yusuke before Ryuji could reply. "That sounds like it will work, Yusuke, but what about money?" Here the girl grimaced. "Not to be crass, but as far as I can tell, you're not exactly flushed with cash..."

Yusuke shook his head. "That's actually not the case. Simply because I don't wish to spend money as much as I possibly can, it does not mean I am free of funds. My mother left me a sizable inheritance, and with Sensei...Madarame in the prediciment he's currently in, I have access to his fortune as well."

Morgana, free from his prison-like bag, hopped onto the bed next to Yusuke. "Well well, sounds like you'll be able to go after all! But that still leaves Futaba."

Futaba snapped her finger. "Oh, that's right!"

"What's right?" Akira asked.

"My mom left me some money behind too," she replied, crossing her legs on the chair she sat upon. "I guess the work she did was pretty pricey. I don't usually ask for any of it unless I'm in the mood for some new computer parts, but I bet if I ask Sojiro he'll help me out! Especially if I give him some puppy dog eyes," she added, grinning at the prospect.

"I guess that settles it then!" Ann spoke. "I'm glad you two will be able to come. It wouldn't be the same without you!"

Morgana meowed in protest. "What about me?" Futaba jumped across the room and pulled at the cat's cheeks as he struggled to get away.

"Don't worry you little fuzzball, I'll make sure you can come too," she said.

Makoto clapped her hands, signaling the end of the meeting. "Looks like we're all set on that front. Make sure you're prepared before we leave at the end of the week! Bring all essentials, plus some extras if you can. And if you have any homework you can do while we're gone, make sure to bring that too. Oh! Also -"

Ryuji waved his hand dismissively at the Student Council President. "Makoto, chill out! We'll be ready."

* * *

"I forgot to bring a jacket!"

Ryuji paced back and forth in front of Narita Airport, with Akira staring at him blankly. The yellow haired fireball noticed this, and lashed out.

"Man, don't stare at me like that, I'm nervous as is!"

Akira shook his head. "Makoto warned you," he said simply. Futaba, next to Akira and with a suitcase by her side, snickered at the comment.

"I know Makoto warned me!" Ryuji shouted back, before putting his head in his hands. "I'm so screwed..." he muttered between his fingers.

Makoto, Ann, and Yusuke emptied out of a bus with a few other classmates. Makoto took stock of the situation, handing Ryuji something that she held under her arm.

"I knew you'd forget, so unlike you, I came prepared."

Ryuji unfolded the object. It came loose, revealing itself to be a red hoodie with the word LOVE emblazoned across it in bright pink.

"Aww, sweet, thanks Makot-wait a minute, I can't wear this!"

"Do you really have any options here, Ryuji?" Ann asked, her face expressionless behind a pair of black sunglasses.

Ryuji grumbled for a moment longer, before throwing the hoodie on. Futaba pumped her fist into the air.

"You guys, I'm so excited! We're going on a plane!" Akira smiled at her.

"You've come a long way since we first met, Futaba," he said.

Futaba hopped from one foot to the other in excitement. "Right? Consider this my reward after all my hard work."

"So this is my reward?" an angry voice growled from a cage atop Futaba's luggage.

"Was that Morgana?" Yusuke asked.

"Yes, it was Morgana," Futaba said. "And Morgana is going to have relax and deal, because this is the only way to get an animal onto an airplane. Isn't that right, Morgana?" she finished, tapping the cage lightly.

"I am not an animal! This is abuse! Abuse!"

"Alright, give him the blanket, Akira," Futaba said, with a fightening sense of finality. Akira nodded, pulling out a small cloth that was thrown over the cage. Soon Morgana's protests were muffled.

"Is everyone ready to go?" Makoto asked. The group nodded. "Good. Follow me, and we'll make our way to the gate. Make sure to take your shoes off before we get to security!"

An hour later, the group was comfortably seated aboard the plane - or as comfortable as one can be, when on a plane. Akira, Futaba, and Makoto sat near the windows on one side, with Yusuke, Ann, and Ryuji bickering on the other. As Futaba rattled off the long list of things she'd be doing in Washington D.C. to Makoto, Akira closed his eyes, nodding off to sleep.

* * *

The flight to Washington D.C. was nearly thirteen hours long, not accounting for departure and arrival, meaning that Akira and company were traveling for almost 15 hours total. They quickly melted into exhaustion, and the group was barely able to drum up any excitement for the rather swanky hotel they found themselves at - also paid for by that government member.

After some cursory goodbyes, the team split into two groups - Akira, Ryuji, Yusuke, and Morgana headed to one room, with Ann, Makoto, and Futaba leaving to the other. When the three boys arrived at their room, they weren't prepared for what they found.

"What!? There are only two beds!?" Ryuji exclaimed.

"So it would seem," Yusuke replied, hand resting on his chin. "It is unfortunate that one of you will have to sleep on the floor."

"Wha - hell no man, you sleep on the floor! You're not even supposed to be on this trip!"

Yusuke was silent for a moment. "Very well. It is through adversity that an artist grows. These cold tiles will someday bear the weight of my next masterpiece, it would seem. I will bid you two goodnight, then." With that, Yusuke took a few steps forward, before collapsing onto the floor. It looked like he was asleep before he had even hit the ground.

Ryuji stared at him. "I didn't think it was gonna be that easy...you're not even gonna change, man? Or we could like, bring you some blankets or something..." Ryuji was met only with Yusuke's snores as a response.

Ryuji shrugged his shoulders. "Alright then." He turned to Akira. "I'm gonna go change in the bathroom. You can change here. You'll probably be asleep before I get back, though, huh."

Minutes after changing, Ryuji's prediction was confirmed, as he found Akira snoring, Morgana at the foot of his bed.

* * *

The next day, the group was ready to start its trip in earnest. After a hearty breakfast at the hotel's buffet (I'm going to eat everything!" a very hungry Ryuji had exclaimed) the thieves merged with their class and headed out for their first day of touring. Makoto took the lead, moving the students onto a bus that shuttled them off towards their first, and perhaps most obvious destination - the White House.

Ryuji leaned over to speak to Akira as they were driven. "I haven't been keeping up with politics much -"

"- that's surprising," Futaba interrupted, rolling her eyes.

"Shut it, pipsqueak! Anyways, what's been going on in America?"

At these words, Ann whirled around to look at Ryuji, eyes wide. "You...don't know what's been happening in America?"

Ryuji, surprised at his peer's intensity, winced. "I mean...no? We've been caught up in you-know-what and I'm running again, so..."

Yusuke chuckled. "You are in for quite a shock then, my friend."

Ryuji turned to Akira. "Wait, do you know what's been going on in the states?"

Before Akira could speak, Morgana peeked out of the boy's student bag, speaking on his behalf. "This guy never keeps up with the news. He's always studying."

Here, Makoto finally spoke up. "That's not ideal, Akira. Studies are important, but it's equally important to stay up-to-date on current events.

Akira fiddled with his hair sheepishly as Morgana laughed.

"In any case, if that's how it is, it'd probably be better for you two to just see for yourself," Makoto continued. She sighed. "But, as Yusuke said, what you're going to see will probably be...intense, to say the least."

Ryuji shrugged. "It's just a school trip. How bad could it be?"

* * *

"Wow, this...is pretty bad."


	2. Chapter 2: It's Decided

_Oh snap, another update already? This won't happen often, but I had that last part already written out and figured I should something else up. Expect updates to be on...Friday, from now on? But I'm also terrible with consistency. My mantra is "Expect nothing, receive less," and you'll be getting a whole lot of that with this story!_

 _One last note: the quote said by the President are, in fact, real._

* * *

Akira and the Phantom Thieves had found themselves outside a rally for the President of the United States, Donald Trump, when Ryuji said those words. The class had been given an offer to listen in on the event from White House staffers while on their tour. From their position, they could see the crowd whooping and cheering as the President spoke.

"Well the one thing I would say — and I say this to people — I never realized how big it was. Everything's so [unintelligible] like, you know the orders are so massive."

Ryuji's face was a mixture of confusion and disgust. "This guy runs America right now?"

"I told you it was going to be intense," Yusuke said.

"The Democrats, they have a big advantage in the electoral college. Big, big, big advantage. I've always said the popular vote would be a lot easier than the electoral college. The electoral college — but it's a whole different campaign [unintelligible]. The electoral college is very difficult for a Republican to win."

"Does anybody have any idea of what he's saying, or am I actually as dumb as people always tell me I am?" Ryuji asked. "You know English, right Ann? Do you get what he's saying?"

Ann's face was scrunched up in concentration. "I...kind of understand? But it'd be almost impossible to translate back into Japanese."

"This isn't even the worst of it," Makoto replied, hand under her chin. "My sister has kept me up-to-date on the reports — racism, sexism, violence — if it's something awful, Trump has a hand in it. Apparently he's caught up in some shady tax dealings as well. Truly a corrupt politician. "

"How did this happen?" Futaba asked, gripping Akira's shirt.

Yusuke stuck out a hand out in front of him. "What I have learned since joining your organization is this: adults do not always have what's best for us all in mind. The cacophony of different political interests in America is likely what put this man into power."

Ryuji kicked a pebble in front of him. "That's garbage! Why isn't anybody doing anything about this!?"

"He's the President of America, Ryuji!" Ann said. "He's basically the most powerful man on Earth. Who's going to stop him?"

Akira cleared his throat, causing the group to turn their attention on him.

"We can stop him," he said.

The Thieves looked at him in disbelief. Makoto spoke first.

"Wait, you're not seriously suggesting—"

Ryuji cut in. "Hell yeah, we are definitely doing this! The you-know-whos would make a huge splash if we could get the freakin' President of the United States to change his heart!"

"Okay, let's take a step back," Ann said. "I guess I have to be the voice of reason here when I say that we probably shouldn't try and mess with the government of the United States? I've been here before, you know. I know more about America than any of you, outside of Makoto, probably. You really don't want to get on this country's bad side! If we aren't careful, we could get expelled!"

"With all due respect, Ann — are we not the Phantom Thieves?" Yusuke asked. "Is it not our goal, nay, our duty to change the hearts of those that would do harm? And can we truly say that anyone is doing more harm than this Donald Trump?"

Ann bounced from one foot to the other. "I mean, you're right, but...Makoto, you're with me on this, right?"

Makoto shook her head. "Actually, Ann, I'm not. I think we should do it."

"Wait, seriously?" Ryuji asked. "I thought for sure you'd be against this!"

"You're right, normally I would be. But this is bigger than us. There are too many lives at stake to just leave it alone. This man is simply too incompetent to hold so much power. We have to stop him."

Futaba raised her hand and waved it about. "I'm in too! How hard could it be?"

Ann sighed. "I guess...if you guys are really sure, then I agree. We should do something about this."

"I am ready," Yusuke said.

Morgana popped out of Akira's bag. "If Lady Ann's in, then I'm in too. Plus, there might be some clues about me here!"

Akira nodded.

"Looks like it's decided!" Ryuji said, clenching his fist. "We're gonna nail this bastard. He has no idea that the Phantom Thieves are gonna—"

"Ryuji, shut up!" the group shouted.

* * *

"Alright. We have one month to both investigate and change the heart of one Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America."

Makoto was giving the run down of the Phantom Thieves mission. The group had chosen Georgetown Waterfront Park as their temporary hideout, a mere half hour walk from the White House — and tucked away from the prying eyes of any who might foil their plan. They found themselves on a towpath along the C&O canal, shaded under the sun by the trees, and soothed by the calm breeze brought about by the water.

"This should be easier than usual," Ann said. "We already have the name and the location — Donald Trump, and the White House, in that order. All that's left is an idea of the keyword we need."

"You say that it is easy, Ann, but I foresee this Keyword to be the greatest source of our troubles," Yusuke said.

"I agree," Makoto added. "Trump is an enigma. He says so much, but so little, both about himself and others. I did some research on my phone on the way here, and it's incredibly difficult to pin down a consistent idea of what he feels about anything. How do you infiltrate the heart of someone who's never honest."

Futaba, idly kicking her bare feet in the river, raised her hand. "I could try pulling up a word cloud. Maybe see what he says most in all the transcripts of his speeches and stuff? We might find something useful!"

Akira nodded. "Give it a try." Futaba saluted in return.

"I can see what students are saying," Ann added. "If I eavesdrop a little, maybe we'll get a better idea of what he's been saying during tours."

"I will head to the Smithsonian."

Ryuji glared at Yusuke. "What the hell does the Smithsonian have to do with this investigation?"

Yusuke shrugged. "It does not. I simply wish to go to the Smithsonian."

Akira pulled Ryuji back before he could lunge at the artist. Makoto sighed. "Fine, you can go, Yusuke."

"And take Ryuji with you, so he doesn't blow this whole thing," Ann added.

Makoto nodded. "Finally, Morgana, Akira and I will go through whatever information Trump we can find online. There's bound to be a huge amount of data, considering his position. Maybe there's something in his background we can find."

Ann got up, stretching as she did so. "Well, sounds like we've got a solid plan to start with. Let's see where it leads."

"Agreed," Akira said.

"We'll take twenty-four hours and meet back here tomorrow," Makoto said. "Don't be late. Ryuji."

"I know, I know!"

* * *

The group returned to the hotel. After a hearty meal, Akira and Morgana headed up to their room. Before he could pull out his laptop to begin working, the cat put a paw on the boy's hand.

"You're probably tired, Akira. You should get some sleep."

Before he could protest, Akira found himself curled into a ball on his bed, sleeping soundly.


	3. Chapter 3: Entering the Palace

_Oh snap, it's Chapter 3! This is pretty short, unfortunately, as I've been busy. But consider it a cliffhanger of sorts. Starting next chapter, we're really getting into the meat of things!_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

"Grr, this is hopeless!" Morgana said.

He, Makoto, and Akira were in the hotel's lounge, with Morgana and Akira on one laptop, and Makoto on the other. The noise level of the lounge made it easy for the three to speak about their target, without much fear of being caught.

Makoto had her head in her hands.

"I must admit, this is...quite a bit more difficult than I was expecting," she said.

"He's so hard to pin down!" Morgana continued. "It should be easier than this! "Donald Trump, White House...but what's the third term?"

"We have to figure out what sort of distortion the form of the palace takes," Akira said.

"Yes, but we have no real idea of what Trump's thinking about at any given moment. We've never encountered this before...it's almost like he doesn't know what the palace is himself."

Morgana mewed in annoyance, hopping off of Akira and onto the couch cushion next to Makoto. She pet the cat absentmindedly.

"Let's take a step back, and break this down into pieces," Makoto said. "We need three pieces to get into the Palace: full name, location of the palace, and the form of the distortion. As Morgana said, we have two of those pieces, and are missing the third. But how do the first two connect?"

"Donald Trump lives in the White House," Akira said.

Makoto pulled up the Metaverse Navigator on her phone. "That's true. And we've learned that he hates it there...so let's try a few keywords off of that."

The two began bouncing words back and forth.

"Prison?" Makoto asked.

"Incorrect," the phone beeped back.

"Jail?"

"Incorrect."

"Tomb?"

"Incorrect."

Makoto sighed. "Well it doesn't look like this is the right thread to follow. What else do we know?"

"Well, he does go to Mar-a-Lago a ton," Morgana said. "Maybe we have the location wrong?"

"Hmm, no, otherwise we would have gotten an incorrect when we inputted the White House as the location," Makoto said. "Oh! But what if that's the keyword? He loves golf. So maybe...golf course?"

"Incorrect."

"Damn," Morgana muttered.

Akira thought for a moment. "What does Trump miss most?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"What does Trump wish he could have back since becoming President? In other words, what does he want the White House to be, in its place?"

Morgana's eyes lit up. "Home. He misses home!"

"And home before the White House was Trump Tower!" Makoto added.

"Input accepted. Searching for route to destination."

Makoto smiled. "That's it!"

"We did it! This is why you're our leader!" Morgana said, hopping back onto Akira's lap.

"Let's go tell the others," Akira said.

"Yes, I'm sure they'll enjoy the good news," Makoto replied.

As they finished their conversation, an old security guard walked over to the group, frowning.

"I'm sorry sir, but no pets are allowed in the lounge area," he said, pointing at Morgana.

Akira and Makoto nodded in apology, quickly moving towards the exit of the hotel.

"That was close," Makoto whispered. "I thought we had gotten caught! We'll have to be more careful from now on."

* * *

The group met up at the Waterfront Park once again, all looking dejected, except for Akira, Makoto, Morgana, and Yusuke.

Futaba was half-asleep in front of her computer, next to Ann, who was frowning. "The other kids didn't give me anything worthwhile. And I couldn't press them because they were starting to ask questions."

Ryuji skipped rocks along the river, grumbling. "Hope you had a better time than I did," he said. "Because I was stuck looking at boring art all day with this guy."

Yusuke smiled. "It was truly an invigorating experience. American art is so interesting to compare and contrast. Cape Cod Morning held such subtle, beautiful tones, while Radiente felt like the artist was striking against the canvas, attempting to find an answer. I hope I can go again."

"Well maybe you will before the month is over," Makoto said. "Because we found the last keyword!"

The group was at complete attention now. "You did?" Ryuji asked, nearly hopping from one foot to the other in excitement.

"Yup," Morgana said. "It was 'Trump Tower.' Our leader had no trouble figuring it out."

Akira grabbed at a strand of his hair, slightly embarrassed. Ryuji slapped him on the back.

"Nice going, man! Now let's not wait around and get started already!"

Makoto looked at each member of the Phantom Thieves. "Is everyone ready?" she asked. They nodded, determination spread across each face.

"Alright then. Akira, if you wouldn't mind."

Akira pulled his phone out, activated the Metaverse Navigator, and clicked on "Trump Tower."

Darkness swirled around them.

* * *

"What...IS this place?"

Joker found himself standing on a field of grass, in his Phantom Thieves outfit. His team stood around him, with Oracle in front, gaping. He looked past her, and saw what flabbergasted her so.

It was an immense tower, larger than could ever be made possible in the real world. Perhaps even stranger, the tower took the shape of a 'T.' Surrounding it was a gigantic wall. It took a second for Joker to notice it, however, because it was made entirely out of opaque glass.

"This is it," Queen said.

"This is Donald Trump's Palace."


	4. Chapter 4: Rush the Gates

_Oh snap, I'm a day late. Sorry y'all, I have no excuse, I was just enthralled in Yakuza Kiwami so I didn't get around to writing the next chapter!_

 _Oh double snap, we've reached the inside of the Palace Tower! It was honestly hardimagining what the Safe Room would look like — I tried to up the weirdness, but this is exactly what a room in Trump Tower looks like. It's legitimately hard to out-crazy the crazy of the real world. Rest assured, however — I already have an idea of the surreal things you'll see beyond the Safe Room, starting in the next chapter!_

* * *

"For real?" Skull asked, eyebrows furrowed behind his titularly named mask. "This feels...pretty tame for a palace. Especially for someone like Trump.

Oracle's fingers flew across the virtual keyboard in front of her, her face expressionless behind her giant helmet. "That might be true, but I can't get any read on the inside of that tower," she said. "We should be prepared for anything."

Mona hopped ahead of the rest of the team, pointing a dramatic paw at the front entrance. "Alright team, let's move out! Err, cautiously, of course."

The Thieves jogged towards the glass wall that separated them from the T-shaped tower, on alert for any enemies. Surprisingly, they didn't feel any threatening presence as they reached the wall.

"This feels like a trap," Panther said, crossing her arms.

"I agree," Queen added.

"What kinda wall is this?" Skull asked. "It's, like, barely six feet!"

The team examined the wall and realized the boy was right. The wall barely reached past Fox's hair, and could easily be jumped by anyone in the party.

"This wouldn't keep anyone out," Joker said.

"It would not. But the wall seems to extend on all sides of the tower," Fox said in return. "We have no choice but to cross over it."

"Be ready for anything, team!" Mona said.

"We'll be fine!" Skull said, vaulting himself over the wall.

An alarm cut through the quiet of the Palace, blaring and wailing around the team. A booming voice bellowed.

" _No immigrants allowed_ ," it shouted. " _No immigrants allowed_."

"What the hell! Is that Trump's voice?" Skull asked, hands over his ears. The rest of the group jumped over the wall to meet him.

"Sounds like in!" Queen said. She brandished the brass knuckles she took into combat against shadows. "I'm guessing we're going to have company!" she shouted.

On cue, a group of shadowy figures formed as if from nowhere and rushed the group. They were a group of three Rakshasa, wicked humans reincarnated into vicious monsters that wielded large swords. They brandished their weapons at the group, taunting them.

"Our king desires no blood from other lands!" they hissed at the team. "You will pay for your trespass with death!"

Joker stepped towards the front of the Phantom Thieves. With a flourish, he ripped his mask off from his face.

" _Arsene_!"

Joker's persona rose up behind him, its black wings unfurling, nearly blowing back the shadows that faced the group. It swooped down and cleaved one of the Rakshasa in half, instantly banishing it.

"Looking good, Joker!" Mona said.

One of the two remaining shadows made to rush at Joker in turn, sword raised to strike. Before it could, Mona stepped up to deal the next blow.

"Come, Zorro!" he shouted. Zorro appeared, dealing a flurry of windy slices with its rapier that made short work of the second Rakshasa.

"Nice, critical hit!" Mona exclaimed. Queen took a few steps forward.

"My turn. Charge, Johana!"

Queen jumped onto her bike as it formed beneath her. It shot out a burst of light, eliminating the last Rakshasa. The alarms that blared around the thieves finally stopped.

"Nice work you guys!" Panther said.

"Yeah yeah, but save some for me next time, alright?" Skull said, slapping Joker on the back. "Alright, we better keep moving. Wouldn't wanna wait around and let reinforcements get the jump on us, right?"

"Too true," Fox said. "Let us move forward."

After a few more minutes, the group finally found themselves at the steps of the tower. It stretched out into the sky as if it were infinite. Mona nearly fell backwards trying to find where it ended. Above the tower's giant front doors was a sign that read _Trump Tower_.

"So this is what the President pictures home to be like, huh?" Skull said.

"It's so gaudy," Panther said. "Like it came straight out of 2005 or something."

Fox's hand was on his chin. "I am still thinking about that wall," he said.

"What about it?" Joker asked.

"It simply makes no sense. A wall is meant to keep others out, yet the one we encountered could easily be passed over. Beyond that, there were no doors."

"It's because he doesn't want to leave," Queen said. "That second part, at least. I couldn't say anything about the wall."

Oracle piped up. "It's because he knows it's flimsy," she said. "Just because you want something to be strong, doesn't mean it will be. And if you know that, it's something your heart can't hide, Palace or not."

Skull threw his fist into an open palm. "Does it really matter? We jumped it no problem. Let's see what's inside!"

The thieves found an air vent along the side of the wall of the Tower that could serve as their entrance point. One by one, they crawled through the cramped vent, before landing on the other side. Joker arrived last, noticing his teammates gaping at the sight before them. He took stock of the room they found themselves in.

It was gold. Blindingly gold, so gold it was nigh impossible to see anything in front of them because of its shininess. Not a single surface in the room was free from the plated surface, from the table in the center of the room to the various lights and furniture scattered about. In the wall to their left, a giant painting of the President, dressed in a military uniform, loomed over the group.

"And I thought the _outside_ was gaudy," Panther muttered.

"This is...unbelievable..." Queen seemed to be at a complete loss for words. She shook her head, trying to snap herself out of her gold stupor. "Right, well...how's the shadow presence here, Oracle?"

"Nonexistent," she replied. "Looks like this room's been forgotten about, more or less."

"Good, then we'll claim it as a Safe Room."

"Ugh, do we have to?" Panther asked, shivering from head to toe. "Just standing near this painting makes me feel like I'm being groped against my will."

"The craftsmanship does leave much to be desired," Fox agreed, nodding.

"That's not what I meant!"

"We don't know what's out there," Joker said. "If we're going to explore the rest of the Tower, we'll need a place to regroup."

"You heard our Leader!" Mona said, hopping onto the table. "Let's reconvene here, then check out the Tower!"


	5. Chapter 5: Cognition

The group removed some of the clutter off of a table of their new Safe Room, before sitting around it to rest after their intense encounter before. Eventually, Joker motioned for them to move on.

Fox opened the door to the room, cringing as it creaked and sputtered swinging forward.

"What's out there?" Mona asked.

"Just a hallway," Fox replied. "It only goes out one way."

"That's the way we're going then!" Skull said, barreling past Fox out into the open. The group followed, trying to slow Skull down in the meanwhile.

The hallway was just as gold-filled as the Safe Room the group snuck into, though this time with a red carpet for added flair. It was otherwise bare.

That is, until the group turned a few corners, and found themselves in a wide open room.

"What the hell?" Skull muttered.

Before the group were a swarm of people, crowded about in a circle. Where their heads should have been, giant golf balls took their place. They made no sound, and shuffled about the room in silence. They barely took notice of the Phantom Thieves as they entered the room.

Skull took a few steps forward and examined one of the golf ball people more closely. "Yo, check this out! They're all wearing stuff that says 'Trump' on it!"

Upon closer inspection, Joker could confirm Skull's observation. Each golf ball person wore everything from red hats that barely clung to their circular heads, to shirts that had "Trump University" emblazoned upon them.

"Are these Trump's cognitive representation of his supporters?" Panther asked. Queen nodded.

"I think so. He just sees them as pawns to push his business ventures on. You'd think he'd have a little more respect for the people that put him into power."

"Do they deserve it?" Oracle piped up. "I mean, they kind of put themselves into this mess in the first place, didn't they? Remember, at the rally?"

Joker thought back on the rally. How rabid the voices around him were, how they demanded immigrants to be kicked out, how much they hated. Were these people really worth pitying?

Panther frowned. "You're right, Oracle, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do this, right? There are people who didn't vote for him, who didn't ask for this to happen. They might not be a part of Trump's cognition, but they're the ones who are most affected by Trump and the people who follow him."

Oracle nodded. "I know. It just feels weird. That we have to save these people from themselves, I guess. And I mean, I should know."

Skull cracked his knuckles. "We already decided we're doing this, right? No turning back now, so let's keep moving."

The Phantom Thieves were able to push through the cognitions without setting off any alarms. They didn't react as the group moved past them. Their silence was eerie, causing the group to to quicken their pace.

When they reached the center of the room, however, the silence was shattered.

"Stop!" two voices shouted.

"More Shadows!" Mona alerted the group. Joker was able to get a better look at them as they got closer this time around. They were dressed in black suits, similar to the guards that stood around Trump, guarding him, during the rally. They wore bright, blood-red masks, before ripping them off to reveal their true, monstrous forms.

Skull took a few steps forward, Fox and Panther on either side of him. "We didn't get any of the action last time, so leave these two to us!" Skull said, grinning. He pulled out the spiked pipe he carried with him, brandishing it at the two monsters.

"Get ready for a beat down!" Skull shouted, jumping forward and swinging his weapon. Fox and Panther followed suit, drawing their sword and whip respectively and fighting as well. The battle was over almost as soon as it began, much to Skull's chagrin.

"Man, these things were way easier than the ones you guys fought! That's boring."

Panther put her hand against her forehead. "That's something we should be happy about, Skull. I'm sure things are only going to get more difficult the higher up the Tower we get."

Here at the center of the large room the group stood in, they could see a stairway ahead of them, that led to a balcony with large double doors.

"Well, that way leads up!" Mona said. "We should go there next."

The group made their way up the stairs, encountering a few more shadows along the way, which were more or less easily disposed of. They soon found themselves standing in front of the double doors. Oracle frowned.

"Watch out everyone. I can feel a really strong presence beyond that door. Make sure you're ready before you go in."

Joker took note of everyone's faces. Once he got the OK from them, he promptly kicked the door open, so that the team could make their way inside.

They found themselves in another hallway, this one wider than the last. Before them, a single man stood, hands clasped behind his back. His hair was silver, his face wrinkled, mouth set in a thin line that barely curled into a smile. He unfurled his hands, opening them wide, as if he were welcoming guests into his home. The man spoke, his voice distorted, confirming that he was in fact a Shadow.

"Hello, all," he said. "I am Vice President Mike Pence."

* * *

 _Oh snap, a cliffhanger! What's going to happen next? I mean...I know. I know what's gonna happen next, 'cause I'm writing it, and all. But you'll have to find out next Friday!_


End file.
